So like I would like to make my addition to the fight against HIV and AIDS.
This here is the absolutest foolproof strategy to make sure (in my old school we’d have said “ensure”) that we all survive the Virus and this is how;
The ABCD Strategy.
A is for Abstinence.
If you can’t handle the shit, stay outta the swimming pool.
B is for Be Faithful.
Find the right person, fall in love and stay true to them. In truth and deed. In thought and action. Perv all you want as long as you do nothing about it and you do not be as if confess…confessing your bu thing-things to your significant other.
C is for Condoms.
Ushs 500 for Protector, Ushs 2,500 for Rough Rider, Ushs 5,000 for Durex. Available at all reputable pharmacies, clinics, shops, dukas and those chicks who sell roast g-nuts and fags outside da club. Condoms cost Ushs 500, “Morning After” costs Ushs 5,000, y’all do the math.
D is for Dildos. & Vibrators. & Rabbits.
If none of the above work for you, fear not, there is an alternative as I have lately come to learn. D.I.Y; that means Do It Myself. Sorry, Yourself. Last Sunday a close friend of the family came home, walked into my room as I lay in bed polishing off the last few episodes of the first season of LOST. She proceeded to lay a gift package on my bed and ask me to open it. Upon doing so, I spied in plastic packaging what on first inspection looked like a huge purplish-pink lollipop. The expression on her face indicated however that this was anything but a lollipop. So I asked, “what, my fair lady, might this item of suspect origin be?” whereupon my fair lady implored me to open it. So I took another look. And did a double take when I realized what it was I held in my hands – with nothing but a thin sheet of plastic to keep us apart.
When I watched “300” I identified with Leonidas, not with Xerxes or the Arthenian boy lovers that my hero, Leonidas, scoffed at. Therefore just because I held in my hand what to all intents and purposes was, is, a dildo/vibrator/whatever, does not mean that y’all can now make value judgements about me and my orientation. I can still kick muthaf..king ass. But then again, so can Wentworth Miller aka Michael Scofield, and I know he’s Vin Diesel’s babe.
So I looked at my lady friend and asked what y’all must be wondering, “WTF?”
She laughed her dainty laugh and flounced off leaving her business on my bed. So obviously, there’s a bunch of sisters out there (yes you and the one sitting two seats over) who be taking care of business for yourselves, holding it down and keeping it real like that. Fellas, the next time you catch a sister buying Double “A” batteries in the supermarket, I wanna bet it ain’t for her alarm clock or TV remote, more likely it gon be for her “rabbit.”